Friday, April 5, 2013

Rules for Fighting With Your Spouse

Everybody does it for their own reasons but it always ends the same way... with a resolution or a divorce. Ok so not a divorce but maybe a bargain to agree to disagree.
And everyone has their own method of fighting. Me? I’m a “say what I have to say then grit my teeth and try really hard not to cry through the rest of it” kind of gal. Which means after my initial statement I like to wait a day or two to finish discussing when I've calmed down because we all know it’s impossible to talk when you’re crying.  Plus if you do your spouse is always asking what you said because they didn’t understand then you just get even angrier. (I also like to think of all kind of witty comebacks too but that is beside the point) My husband however is a “let’s talk about it and settle it now” kind of guy. So I bet you can guess that our fights can be a little hostile with our different fighting types.
We also tend to not fight for awhile then all of a sudden we bring up something that bothered us a month (or like our last fight a year) ago. Yes, I know that is not a healthy habit…what can I say we are still fairly new at this. But we’ll have at it then be done till next time a month or so later.
But during our time as newlyweds I have learned a few things.

  1. Don’t take out your anger in a physical way unless it’s an intimate way *wink wink* but seriously no hitting, slapping, kicking each other, no hitting the walls or other inanimate objects and no breaking things. My husband and I haven’t had any issues with this but it still is a huge problem for people out there. If your spouse does this no matter if they are male or female they may need help. And if they do this to you then you need to get away from them, don’t feel like you are trapped in the situation there is always a way out. And don’t justify their actions by thinking you shouldn’t have said or done what you did because nothing you say or do deserves that.
  2. No dirty blows. No digging deep for insults you know will hit them where they hurt. That’s just plain cruel.     
  3. THINK before you speak. Although what you may be feeling at the moment is real and what you’re getting ready to say is true that doesn’t mean that it needs to be spoken. If you tell your spouse that really mean negative thing they might not be able to think about anything else for awhile.
    4.       If your spouse says something that hurts your feelings let them know. They might not realize that it’s honestly hurtful to you.
    5.       DO sleep on it. We tend to have our fights right before bedtime which can be a pain because you’re stuck awake until you resolve something but we like to sleep on it and it works for us. We get what we are upset about out there we sleep on it and then without mentioning it we start working on fixing things the next day.
    6.   Don’t hold in a bunch of things you’re upset about and let them all spill out at once. If you try doing this you end up being secretly angry with your spouse and it’s shown in your small gestures. Then when you decided to talk about it your spouse is overloaded with things and there’s no way they can take it all in and work on it all at once. So if you’re upset just spill the beans.
    7.       Don’t talk to everyone in the world about why you’re angry. No teenage like Facebook posts.  Don’t go to their mom, your mom, or anyone about it. I’m not saying you shouldn't have someone to talk to but make sure you and they have talked about it first and it’s not something that they might not want everyone to know about.
    8.       Don’t make threats.
    9.       No unfair accusations. No always and never. Neither of you always or never does something.
    10.       Apologize, forgive and don’t hold grudges. I know it’s hard some days but just do it.

    Have you learned anything from your fights with your spouse? I'd love to hear about it to keep in mind for any future fights with my own!

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